Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
