Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
