I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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