actually, I'm a sock model
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
