somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
