I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
i think my cat just said my name.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
