ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
