How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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