I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
