Sry I called you an 8
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
