Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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