I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
