yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
