i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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