I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
