this just has baby written all over it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
