tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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