so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
