Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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