He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
soo... how was my night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
