I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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