I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
