remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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