When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
