He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
BRING THE BAGELS
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
