Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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