I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
