do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
