Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
