tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
