i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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