hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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