I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
