It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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