it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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