I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
