we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i now understand why vodka
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
