But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
