with your own penis?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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