covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
