matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
