wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
