I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
