the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
handjob tips. give me some.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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