im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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