just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
