Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
