I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
