thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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