hotel room ftw
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
