dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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