I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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