Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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