Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
party gras won. party gras always wins.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
